just4kiks's Xanga

Friday, October 21, 2005

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 07:11:06 GMT

Oct. 21, Thursday 11:58pm

The Local BOYS

They must never read this. Anyone from school included.

My mother told me that I came here to study and just study. My aunt told me that maybe I’ll change my mind about going back home for vacations if I fall in love with some hot Canadian cutie.

Local Boy #1

Robin: CUTE, very cute. He’s in my “block” in Surrey campus. I wish I had a clear enough picture of him but till then, descriptions will do. He’s around 6ft. tall, very blonde messy-ish hair, bright blue eyes and a super cute smile. He’s a year older than I am. He took a year off after high school to be in construction but he’s not super macho or anything. Regular Xavier guy built. Lean, that’s the word. I imagined him with a hard hat, his shirt off and a tool belt. Now add some dirt and a hammer, and you’ve got a hot construction worker. I hang out with him and a bunch of other people during lunch and we have some classes together. Robin’s really into mountain biking and when he said that, another invisible thought bubble popped above my head with him on a bike, covered with mud racing through dirt hills like in Rocket Power. BUT he’s taken. Yeah, there’s always a catch. It’s ok. He’s nice to look at from across the table when we have lunch. Style? He wears long shorts (shorts+pants=shants?) sneakers, cool kiddie-ish shirts (Ninja Turtles) or promotional mountain biker logo tees with a jacket or a plaid polo. Laid back look.

Local Boy #2

Jared: Well, he’s not as cute as I think Robin is but good-looking nonetheless. He’s from my communications lecture and tutorial in Burnaby campus. Lectures have 300 people and the prof just talks and talks and talks. In tutorials, there’s like 20 of you and you have a discussion with a teaching assistant about the lecture. Mine ends at 6:30pm. After my first tutorial ever, I was walking by myself to the bus stop when Jared walks up and starts talking to me. Blah blah blah. Just small talk. He has blue eyes, a sharp nose, short light brown hair like what Xavier guys had in high school, tall like Robin, he works out but people here are always in layers so I couldn’t really tell, built like Robin too I guess. He’s from Winnipeg. Haven’t hung out with him long enough to judge his personality but he says he’s shy. THEN one day on the way to the bus, he asked me if he could give me a ride to the skytrain station so I didn’t need to squish with the rest of the SFU student population on the bus. Cool huh? He has a shiny, black, pick-up truck. To go home, it usually takes almost an hour commute. Ick. In the car, we found out that we lived on the same exact street in Vancouver. That’s such a huge coincidence considering the gigantic student population. So last week, he drove me home. It took less than 30 minutes and it was waaaaaay better than standing out in the cold waiting for the bus. He gave me his cel number but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it. What does that mean? Is he just a nice person or is there something else? I should have given him mine too. Stupid. Ugh. The catch? He’s a decade older than I am.

Local Boy #3

Richard: He’s from Venezuela and moved to Canada 5 yrs ago. Perhaps right now you’re thinking about a sexy Latino guy with dark hair and a killer tan. Richard’s Cantonese. He can speak Spanish though, but his Cantonese accent when he speaks English cannot be ignored so it’s easy to mistake him as the regular honger. He’s tall too! I can’t really describe what he looks like but he’s cute for a Chinese guy. He’s really buff too. Not just lean, he’s buff. Clothes look really good on him. I’d love to run my hands across his puffed out chest. He doesn’t dress like a honger (fashionista-ish, sometimes with patterns that don’t match at all). He wears regular clothes. I liked his porma yesterday when he wore fatigue cargo shorts, a cap, black sneakers and a track jacket. Back in Venezuela, his family owns a restaurant and he mentioned that he learned how to be a bartender and he mixes drinks for his friends all the time at his place. He lives like 15 minutes away from me by car by the way. Hmm…..I don’t think that he’s very into me though. Must do more crunches.

There are other guys too. Di ko lang type. There’s Eddy from my block. He invited me to Thanksgiving dinner with his family. Is that a Canadian thing or is there something else to that? I dunno. In class, he aims to make everyone else look bad by making his work extra extra bongga. He’s a sarcastic, ironic, odd-ball type. Just friends. I found out here that a good way to meet guys is by being late for class. Of course I wasn’t late on purpose for math but the guy I sat next too was really helpful and he told me everything I missed. I now sit next to him every math class. He’s shorter than me (which I find really weird since he’s white and white people are supposed to be taller than me!), with brown hair. Nahhh… There’s Amandeep who’s my groupmate in IAT. He’s Indian, tall, buff and has amazing green eyes. Pretty cute for an Indian guy. He’s a bad boy. If I were Anisha, I would totally hook up with him. Haha! Aeryn’s my other Chinese, non-honger friend from my block. He’s a teensy bit taller than me with long hair. He’s really smart but terribly lazy. He’s always online when I cram at 3am. He’s very NR about things and he has a gf from high school. The others are just acquaintances who I say hi to occasionally but I’m too tamad to enumerate. I don’t think I even remember most of their names anymore. Teehee.

The end.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 07:03:17 GMT

I’m back.

Oct. 19 Wednesday 11:40pm

So here I am, in my new (old) apartment, with South Park on the TV, sitting on my blue exercise ball, chocolate milk on the coffee table, laptop on lap, flying solo.

I just want to clear up some stuff before I start complaining to no one in particular. I don’t live with Mae and Nicole. They live in an apartment on campus (note: not a dorm). I live with a 27 yr. old Taiwanese girl who reminds me a lot of Hung. How and why? When ama and angkong came with me, I made them think that I couldn’t live by myself in an attempt to coax them to let me live with Mae and Nicole. It backfired. Instead, angkong got me a roommate. She’s the sister of the girl who handles angkong’s money in Taiwan. She’s out by December.

Why am I here? It’s complicated. I thought it would be super cool back in third year to be all independent and grown up by studying in Canada. HAH! Man, was I dumb. I even remember being all giddy and excited about it with Mae. Who was I kidding??? I started to regret when it was too late. I still don’t know if I’d rather be home right now, in Ateneo, on my month long sembreak or right here, right now. Fickle me.

I miss: home, going out with Kassie, going out with friends, going to Rockwell, going to see movies, going to restaurants, eating in restaurants, eating Ice Monster, eating without having to make food myself, shopping, partying, partying with Cris, partying with Mike, Mike’s spur of the moment Tagaytay trips, picking out party clothes, clothes I left back home, wearing shorts, wearing flip flops, short hair, driving, driving to Pat’s house, driving fast, driving friends home, visiting friends in school, sitting in classes, sitting in the caf, gossip, lots of it, texting people, people texting me, my spoiled life, having no responsibilities, no bills, no laundry.

I miss the comforting feeling that there’s at least one person close to me I can get to when I need someone. Everyone is an hour away here. Everyone is far away. I’m too far away from anyone.

I can’t blame anyone. It’s my choice. I’m missing out on all the fun, all the drama back home because I’m here. I’m missing out on the good life. Independence? Screw that. I left behind the life of a princess to become a maid. I’m so totally exaggerating.

Why am I complaining? I’m in Canada for crying out loud! What the hell is wrong with me? I wanted to come here. Me! My idea! Guys are hot here, left and right! I can wear scarves! Fickle, very fickle.

I still like Chuck. Isn’t that stupid? Extremely. He’s cool.

2 months down, 2 to go. Time will just go by like that. Soon I’ll be home.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 14:55:37 GMT

My Super Fab Weekend (even though everyday is a weekend for me)

Pat’s back. I’ve seen her so many times since she came back last week. I bet she’s sick of me. Her hair got longer and I didn’t notice that she gained weight until she told me so. Despite this, she’s still lighter than I am and she came from a buffet laden cruise! All this running around the village and eating veggies isn’t working!!! Crap. I should just ask for some money for lypo. Tabs got darker and buffer from working out like mad but he doesn’t seem any taller. Maybe it’s just me. Looks older too.

Last Friday, Pat invited me to Tagaytay with sila Mike and a bunch of other people (names withheld to protect escapees). I’ve heard about this trip from Cris so I was super hyped up about it. I got picked up at 11pm by 2 big ass vans with 11 passengers each. There was a girl van and a guy van which I thought was pretty funny. I mean we were going to spend the night (or what was left of it) drinking, dancing and……more inappropriate behavior but we still sat in gender-separated vehicles. After 2 cramped hours, a few pit stops (almost every major gas station) and worn, melting break pads, we finally got to Mike’s rest house/villa/resort/party haven. It was still as neat looking as I remembered it to be the last time I was there. Soon, the booze was pouring, the music was pumped up and everyone started to dance, drink, mingle, snack on popcorn and chips….in other words, chill. Loved it. At around 4am, I was getting pretty tired so I went into the air-conditioned living room lined with mattresses dimly lit by the tv and snuggled up to the couch. Fell asleep for I’m guessing about 30 minutes. I woke up to find a few other people in the middle of trying to sleep despite the girls trying to keep them awake. The sunrise was really neat. Too slow for me but cool nevertheless. When it was bright enough, took a walk around to ogle at the other houses each with a corresponding theme. My absolute favorites were the creepy, Japanese horror movie house with paper doors and windows and of course, Mike’s Balinese mansion. Left around 7:30am because one of the girls had to be home early. Boohoo. The ride back was surprisingly quick. Maybe because we were all knocked out from the all-nighter and slept the whole way back. Before going back to reality, we had the P80 breakfast in Eastwood to suppress our hunger (actually, to sober Mike up hehe). That was fun. Crazy but fun. Thanks Mike! Too bad I won’t be here the next time someone decides to have a party out of the blue. Awww.

Drove Pat home by myself (oh yeah!) and slept for 2 hours before going out again to get my early birthday gift from Cris. Thanks Cris! I love it so much, it hurts. Went to Franké’s birthday dinner in Eastwood afterwards. I really enjoy spending time with my friends from high school. We always have something new to share/brag/gossip about especially now that everyone’s in college. Hmm….I wonder what happened to Jera. Anyway, got home at around 1am and that’s the end of my super fab weekend. Sunday doesn’t matter. We just bought pink paint for my bedroom. It’s like candy.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:44:21 GMT

This is one of those cheesy forwards that junk up our e-mails. And being a newly reincarnated cheeseball, I have a lot to learn.

1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot, fine or sexy.

I wouldn’t mind being called hot, or fine, or sexy but it does make a BIG difference when someone calls you beautiful. I mean guys say girls are hot and sexy all the time but being called beautiful would make any girl’s knees buckle.

2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second.

As long as the hand isn’t sweaty. I have a thing for sweaty hands. I’m still vague with whether I like hands cupped or laced.

3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

Huh? I’d rather have a liplock or a soft kiss on the cheek. The forehead strikes me as a close relatives zone. Maybe people with actual real life boyfriends can say differently.

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

I’d love this. Cute idea. Girls swoon over little things like this.

5 . Always tell her you love her at any and all times.

Hmm… a bit too sensitive for me. If you say it too often, those 3 small words could wear off. But if you have to say it, wouldn’t it make a girl melt if her guy leaned in really close as if attempting a kiss, miss her lips, tuck her hair back and whisper it softly into her ear? Whew. I could write my own romance novel now.

6 . When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

Duh. What idiot wouldn’t do this? It’s a good ploy to take advantage of the girl too…..but don’t.

7 . Recognize the small things . . . They usually mean the most.

Definitely. Guys notice little things naman e. Speak up about it. Like “Hey, cool shoes!” but try not to sound gay.

8 . Call her sweety or honey.

I’m against this one. It’s kinda embarrassing when you do this in public.

9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

YES! If the guy has a great voice, it’s such a romantic gesture. If he sucks at it, wouldn’t that just be so adorable? It’s like Chad in Freaky Friday or Ashton in A Lot Like Love. Teehee!

10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

Duh. Dapat lang. Once you see her, push all the other girls aside.

to be continued.....

Friday, July 22, 2005

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 17:25:06 GMT

BOYS, CARS and flABS (silent FL)

I’ve been doing crunches or every sort, leg raises and the most excruciating sit-ups for the past 3 weeks or so but my abs refuse to show themselves. I’m getting really frustrated! Oh, curse that fast food charged vacation!!! What does it take to get them to pop out?!?!?! Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just doomed to have my little pooch right smack in the middle of my torso for all eternity. NO! I will not tolerate this abomination! I am in charge or my own destiny! As God is my witness, I will reach my innermost aspirations despite the sweetest temptations. Nothing will get into my way of achieving my ultimate goal. I will do everything it takes. This is my promise.

On a lighter note, I got my license! I woke up extra extra early last Tuesday to finally get it done. I went to the San Juan LTO with my driver wherein I waited for more or less 3 f-ing hours. I paid this guy to help me out and speed things up. There was a drug test. There was a medical. There was a written test. I cheated on the last test. Is it still called cheating when the test giver person gives you the answers? Anyway, I paid the little weasel, got my plastic and left. I felt really really excited and grown up and cool and all that but it’s Saturday now and that feeling kinda wore off. I realized that it was utterly pointless to know how to drive and have a license if I don’t know how to park the damn vehicle.

After that ordeal, I went to Ateneo to visit my sexy friend. I brought along my giant backpack with my laptop, Ipod, sketchpad and math homework in it. It was my survival kit for the day because I knew that there was a big chance that I would be spending some time with myself. Oh! I also borrowed Rach’s bro’s old Ateneo ID. Tied that sucker around my belt loop to make it move constantly so no one would take a second look at me. So there I was, hanging out with Kassie in school like a real life college gal (if you don’t know me, yes, I’m really mababaw). Aside from that, I was extremely paranoid, watching out for guards and people who looked like they worked there, glancing back to see if anyone was looking at me suspiciously, lowering my head whenever we walked long distances. Pathetic huh? I had fun. Even though Kassie left for class and I had to be alone for like an hour. My survival kit did come in handy. I pondered over my math homework for the longest time like a real life hardworking student. I’d like to acknowledge Biba and Cris for saving me from being alone even for a short while. Thanks. OOooo I saw Alan again and he’s still cute.

Who’s Alan? He’s Kassie’s cute blockmate who I met at Ara’s debut. It was the best debut ever, by the way. There were fireworks, a chocolate fountain and it was held in the grandest house on a hill I’ve ever seen in real life. Looked like Seth’s house from O.C. I’m not kidding! It was lovely. Her parents surprised her (and all of us) by driving up a brand new Mazda in the driveway while we were all staring awestruck at the synchronized fireworks in the night sky. Thanks for the invite Ara! Anyway, back to the guy. I sat with Kassie’s blockmates and I got to know them. They’re really cool! The ones that I talked to the most were the guys that came from Ateneo high since Kassie’s closest to them (and considers herself one of the guys which she hates cuz now she’s the girl friend but not the girlfriend). They’re neat and I would have mistaken them for XS guys I’ve never seen in my life. I casually mentioned to Jom big (Kassie’s blockmate) in a YM conference with Kassie a few nights ago that I thought Alan was cute. Jom and Alan appear to be close and he said that I’m not the only one who thinks that. And he’s right. It’s cute that I share my little crush with one of my friends. You know who you are.

Patng’s coming back Saturday night! I told her I’ll take her shopping and college hopping. Weeeee! I can’t wait to see what she looks like na! Gosh. What if I’m fatter than her? Must not eat. OH fine! Everyone knows I’m all talk when it comes to dieting. When she arrives, I’ll be at Dee’s party thing doing exactly what I came back for: having the time of my life and sharing every moment of it with my friends. (awww senti moment).

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 11:34:11 GMT

DUMB QUIZ

-answer it too on your blog and put your link under comments!!!

smoked a cigar
madeout with a member of the same sex
crashed a friend's car
stolen a car
been in love
been dumped
shoplifted- i was 10. it was a cartoon band-aid
been fired
been in a fist fight- with steffi. duh
snuck out of my parent's house
had feelings for someone who didnt have them back- hmmm....
been arrested
made out with a stranger
gone on a blind date- who else would you go with if you're boyfriend-less during prom?
lied to a friend
had a crush on a teacher
been to Europe
skipped school
slept with a co-worker
seen someone die
had a crush on one of your LJ friends
been to Canada
been to Mexico
been on a plane
thrown up in a bar
purposely set a part of myself on fire
eaten Sushi
been snowboarding
met someone in person from LJ
been moshing at a concert
been in an abusive relationship
taken painkillers
love someone or miss someone right now
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
made a snow angel
had a tea party
flown a kite
built a sand castle
gone puddle jumping
played dress up
jumped into a pile of leaves
gone sledding
cheated while playing a game
been lonely
fallen asleep at work/school- i'm sure my classmates can attest to this
used a fake id
watched the sunset
felt an earthquake
touched a snake
slept beneath the stars
been tickled
been robbed
been misunderstood
petted a reindeer/goat
won a contest
run a red light
been suspended from school
been in a car accident- i wasn't in the car but it was my fault
had braces
felt like an outcast
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
had deja vu
danced in the moonlight
hated the way you look
witnessed a crime
pole danced
questioned your heart
been obsessed with post-it notes
squished barefoot through the mud
been lost
been to the opposite side of the country
swam in the ocean
felt like dying
cried yourself to sleep
played cops and robbers
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
sung karaoke
paid for a meal with only coins
done something you told yourself you wouldn't
made prank phone calls
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
caught a snowflake on your tongue
danced in the rain
written a letter to Santa Claus
been kissed under a mistletoe
watched the sun rise with someone you care about
blown bubbles
made a bonfire on the beach
crashed a party
gone rollerskating
had a wish come true
humped a monkey .... oh yeah.
worn pearls
jumped off a bridge- bungee in NZ
screamed penis in class
ate dog/cat food
told a complete stranger you loved them
kissed a mirror
sang in the shower
have a little black dress- many and i love them all
had a dream that you married someone
glued your hand to something
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
kissed a fish
worn the opposite sexes clothes
been a cheerleader
sat on a roof top
screamed at the top of your lungs
done a one-handed cartwheel
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
stayed up all night
didn’t take a shower for a week
pick and ate an apple right off the tree
climbed a tree
had a tree house
are scared to watch scary movies
believe in ghosts
have more then 30 pairs of shoes
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
gone streaking
played ding-dong-ditch
played chicken
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
been told you're hot by a complete stranger
broken a bone
been easily amused
caught a fish then ate it- of course we had it cooked first
made porn
caught a butterfly
laughed so hard you cried
cried so hard you laughed
mooned/flashed someone
had someone moon/flash you
cheated on a test- teehee
have a Britney Spears CD(jologs.)
forgotten someone’s name
slept naked
French braided someone’s hair
gone skinny dippin in a pool
been threatened to be kicked out of your house
been kicked out your house- last two both very recently. mom was being unreasonable.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 12:13:39 GMT

Death Row

Ever since I got really serious about going away to Canada, my insides have been slowly melting. I used to get so emotional up when people ask me about it especially when my mom nags me about the applying process, calling people up about it, asking Heidi how to do this and that…you get my point. I hated being in Canada and having to be responsible for my school that I wasn’t even sure I would be accepted to. I was uber depressed about the whole thing that I even regretted not confirming Ateneo and stuff. Now, I’m kinda used to the fact that I’m leaving now. After registering into my classes, I’m a bit excited to go find out how it will go.

So, I’m over being all sad because I’ll be leaving the pollution, the traffic, the screwed up government, the malls, tiangge, parties, maids, drivers………I’m so over that. Promise! But the whole thing has left me feeling like jelly. A while ago I was just watching Sister Act 2 on tv and I got choked up when Rita’s mom said how proud she was of her daughter after the choir contest thing. Something’s wrong with me.

As all of you know, I have a LOT of free time on my hands and it’s given me time to think. Not a good thing. I more often than not end up thinking if I had a boyfriend. Yes, another I-want-a-boyfriend rant. I could do this and that and everything would be so much fun and wonderful. I drive Nicole crazy with all my ‘what if’s’. It’s a good thing Mae feels the same way too. We make up crazy situations wherein we have guys. Hot guys. It’s the bum effect. Heidi even invited me out with Stacey and Rach with their respective dates so I could be her date. I was so happy! We agreed that I would be the boy. And what about the GC concert I went to? My date was Mae. No offense Mae but I would rather bring my boyfriend (Imaginary Gary) so he could protect me from the mosh pit and the stage divers.

I’m on death row and I have Aug. 22 to do whatever I want while I’m still here. So what if I buy that amazing jacket from Mango? So what if I want to go all the way to Gateway to get my book signed by Neil (thanks Rob & Ryan)? So what if I go home late at night/early in the morning from a party with my friends? Pagbigyan mo na ako. I’m leaving! A fairly good excuse when I have to explain myself for doing something stupid.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 12:16:38 GMT

BUS 101 – Introduction to commuting by bus

Frequently asked questions:

how do you know which bus to take?
how do you know where to get down?
isn’t it scary/gross/hot?

The answer to the first question is I DON’T KNOW. I really honestly don’t know. The first time, I asked my driving instructor how because my driver will be coming late so I might as well attempt to get home myself. He said lets go and we ran outside. There was a bus right there and he shoved me into it and told the driver ‘Robinsons’. I paid the fare (P9.00) and sat at the back. The second time, Heidi’s driver told me where to get on.

The answer to the second question is: look out the window. You'll know as long as you know what the place looks like. If you see it, get the attention of the bus conductor person and he’ll stop the bus no matter where. It’s the Philippines so don’t you worry if the bus stop is still 100 yards away. The whole road is a bus stop! At first I asked the person next to me if we were there yet a million times.

No it’s not scary if you’re wearing the proper bus attire: big, baggy, gross clothes. You’ll feel like you blend in (even if you don’t) and thus feel safer. People still stared at me though. Gross? Only when super sikip. Unfortunately, I’ve encountered a gross situation. Hot? Not at all. Aircon naman e but of course you have to pick the ones na meron.

Will I ever ride again? Probably. Will I ever ride again on my own free will? NO. Takes too damn long. Traffic is HELL. So if ever you’re in a bus situation, bring someone who knows along or ask lang. Don’t be shy Ü

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 10:50:59 GMT

3 TOPICS. read each thoroughly.

On my current bum status

I love it here. At first I wanted to get into UP. I did. I was going to be in MechEng. Then I decided not to. It was an impulse. First couple of weeks back, I went movie crazy watching everything I could with Mae. After, got my student’s license and learned how to drive. Manual is the way to go. Currently taking up calculus in Study Time. Total bore. If only I could fall asleep right there and then. Been visiting my friends in their colleges too. First was DLSU (didn’t get to sneak in), Ateneo twice and finally UP. Parties, parties and more parties. One of the reasons why I insisted on coming home is because I’ll get to spend time with all my friends and maybe make new ones. I live for being around people. I fear loneliness.

On my craziness

I cut Steffi’s hair. I took the driver in the morning to get my student’s permit. She had to go on a date. Eventually; she did but not without screwing with my sketch pad. She spray painted on every single page. Now, is that reasonable? No. So I cut her hair. Made no difference but everyone made a big deal about it. My mistake was not making sumbong first. She had the upper hand and all my relatives’ vote. I am yet again the bad guy. Sheesh. It’s just hair. It’s just carbon coming out of your head. It’s just head poop. I also got in trouble for commuting on a bus by myself a few times and biking all the way to Mae’s house. I wonder what they’ll say if I told them about my MRT LRT joy ride. It’s stupid really. Why shouldn’t I commute? What’s the fucking difference anyway? It’s not like I had a choice. Walang driver so gumawa ako ng paraan. It’s not like I rode the bus wearing a mini skirt and a tube. Jeez. People ride buses. It’s totally normal. I figured that since my whole family thinks I’m insane, I might as well live up to that.

What I think is so fucking unfair is that no one in my family realizes that I’m the good one. They don’t know Steffi at all. They ignore the rumors (which are true by the way) they hear. I keep telling my mom that her other daughter isn’t as innocent as she think she is. Steffi goes home at 2 in the morning and it’s normal. I come home at 11 and I’m dead meat. Where’s the justice in that? They say that I’ll straighten out when I get to Canada. I don’t get why. Is it because I snipped off a few strands of my sister’s hair? Is it because I rode a bus? Is it because I come home “late”? I’m not doing anything wrong so I have nothing to feel sorry about. Nothing. It’s my life. If I’m going to fuck it up, I’m going to fuck it up my way.

On why I don’t have a boyfriend and why I’m probably never going to get one.

Cris and I have talked about this. Someone of girlfriend material must possess at least one of the qualities listed below.

Demure/mahinhin
- Think Shereen Yao or Tel Law. They’re nice, sweet, some might even say soft spoken. In the olden times, it would be Maria Clara speaking lightly through her fan. You get my point.
Girly (even to the extent of being high maintenance)

· Most girlfriends have long hair, dress in heels, put on make-up, the whole shebang. True? Duh. Fine, a girl does have to be girly but sometimes, talagang sinasadya na e. Not many girlfriends dress like punks or surfer chicks. No Buddha beads, dogtags or tongue studded girls! Come on, you have to admit that if you see a girl with long hair in a mini skirt from the back, you turn your head. It’s a reflex! Then she turns around and…..she’s a he pala. Oops.

Pacute

· My slut for a sister belongs to this group. This can be described as using a sickeningly sweet voice and coaxing the guy to do your bidding. “Aww I don’t wanna have dinner in Tomas Morato. Eastwood nalang. Puh-leez?” Works every time. This includes pet names too. Ok lang sana kung normal names like hun or baby pero sometimes may Pookie pa. And I thought baby talk was reserved for babies.

This just shows the insecurities a normal guy has. He wants a damsel in distress to make him feel macho.

I don’t satisfy any of these qualities so therefore, I will never get a boyfriend. I’m impulsive, defiant and, when needed, independent. If I want something done, I’ll do it myself…after a bit of whining and complaints. I have this thing for trying out new stuff just to see what the hubbub is all about. I don’t believe that a guy always has to make the first move. I’m a sucker for guys in bands, guys on boards or even better, both! Opinionated guys turn me on as well as a smooth, soothing voice. Having a car is a plus but not a necessity. Culture is not an issue. I like to keep an open mind. I want someone who’ll make me feel like a million bucks even if we’re just having a quick bite at the karinderia. No one really pays attention to me at home unless I do something badass so I want to feel like I actually matter to someone. I want someone who’ll support my insane ideas and who’ll keep me company when I need one; making out included. I want. I don’t need. It’s the hormones working plus the fact that I’ll be leaving in a couple of months.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 03:52:20 GMT

On my summer vacation

Going to Canada was the worst. I hated it. I was so depressed. I wouldn’t normally admit this but I cried A LOT while I was away. It was uncontrollable. Tears would start forming when we were still in the apartment up until we paid for the stuff we bought at Ikea. I’d go to the bathroom attempting to muffle myself with a towel. I had a lot of things going through my head. A big part of that was me thinking of how lonely I’d be and an even bigger part was my mom and my aunt pressuring me to apply to other colleges in case I didn’t pass SFU. Stress!!! All that crap was a big fucking waste of time since I got in SFU anyway. Screw them. They can panic for me if they want. I was already feeling fucked up when they made me do all the college stuff. I really didn’t mind the cooking and the cleaning. It was a learning experience. Don’t get me wrong, I want to study abroad. Thankfully when I return, mom’s not going with me. Ironic, huh? I fear being alone and yet I’m loving the idea that no family member will be going with me; just Heidi and her mom. Maybe I just hate the nagging, the constant buzzing in my ear. I was so relieved when the day finally came for us to go back to the Philippines, my wasteland. Sure, it was hot, people have no discipline and the government fucked itself over for the nth time but it’s my home.

Shopping was good though. The food was exquisite. I gained 10lbs.