I’m back.

Oct. 19 Wednesday 11:40pm

So here I am, in my new (old) apartment, with South Park on the TV, sitting on my blue exercise ball, chocolate milk on the coffee table, laptop on lap, flying solo.

I just want to clear up some stuff before I start complaining to no one in particular. I don’t live with Mae and Nicole. They live in an apartment on campus (note: not a dorm). I live with a 27 yr. old Taiwanese girl who reminds me a lot of Hung. How and why? When ama and angkong came with me, I made them think that I couldn’t live by myself in an attempt to coax them to let me live with Mae and Nicole. It backfired. Instead, angkong got me a roommate. She’s the sister of the girl who handles angkong’s money in Taiwan. She’s out by December.

Why am I here? It’s complicated. I thought it would be super cool back in third year to be all independent and grown up by studying in Canada. HAH! Man, was I dumb. I even remember being all giddy and excited about it with Mae. Who was I kidding??? I started to regret when it was too late. I still don’t know if I’d rather be home right now, in Ateneo, on my month long sembreak or right here, right now. Fickle me.

I miss: home, going out with Kassie, going out with friends, going to Rockwell, going to see movies, going to restaurants, eating in restaurants, eating Ice Monster, eating without having to make food myself, shopping, partying, partying with Cris, partying with Mike, Mike’s spur of the moment Tagaytay trips, picking out party clothes, clothes I left back home, wearing shorts, wearing flip flops, short hair, driving, driving to Pat’s house, driving fast, driving friends home, visiting friends in school, sitting in classes, sitting in the caf, gossip, lots of it, texting people, people texting me, my spoiled life, having no responsibilities, no bills, no laundry.

 I miss the comforting feeling that there’s at least one person close to me I can get to when I need someone. Everyone is an hour away here. Everyone is far away. I’m too far away from anyone.

I can’t blame anyone. It’s my choice. I’m missing out on all the fun, all the drama back home because I’m here. I’m missing out on the good life. Independence? Screw that. I left behind the life of a princess to become a maid. I’m so totally exaggerating.

Why am I complaining? I’m in Canada for crying out loud! What the hell is wrong with me? I wanted to come here. Me! My idea! Guys are hot here, left and right! I can wear scarves! Fickle, very fickle.

I still like Chuck. Isn’t that stupid? Extremely. He’s cool.

2 months down, 2 to go. Time will just go by like that. Soon I’ll be home.